• kemialondoner

Fun stats With Georgia for Easter

Well, it's the moment you've all been waiting for. Stat time. Number time. Whimsy and extreme humour time.


Apologies for the lack of stats last week. I spent the weekend with Elon Musk developing London's first ever Food Tesla. We're just waiting on the MOT, but should be ready to launch

very soon. I've actually just got off the phone with man like Elon and he wanted me all to tell you "01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01100001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01101100 01101111 01110011 01100101 01110010 01110011 00001010" whatever that means.

First of all, let's talk about the fact that we supported approximately 110 households this week. Your welcome Lambeth!!!!!

  • In other news, I passed my driving test this week. But I don't AVACADO. Not to worry, BPK has plenty. In fact, we sold 23 this week! Holy guacamole.

  • Our customers were full of beans, mainly from us, as we sold a whopping 56 tins!

  • Things are starting to get a bit fishy around here. With a ludicrous 126 tins of tuna flying off out shelves, it's a wonder there's any left in the ocean.

  • Now I don't like to talk shit..but we sold 141 rolls of toilet paper this week.

  • It wouldn't be Fun Stats without some EGGsellent numbers about our shelled friends. We sold 372 eggs this week, most of which were actually of the dinosaur variety. So that's awkward.

  • The total amount of items sold in the shop this week was a staggering 1016. That's the same year the King of Denmark claimed the English throne after the death of Edmund 'Ironside.' But luckily 1004 years later, Brexit happened and normality was restored.

Well, like all good things, this email must come to an end. If you made it this far, thank you for reading. If you didn't, well, 01000110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00101110.


I've been Georgia, this has been Fun Stats, be sure to tune in next week. GOODNIGHT NEW YORK.

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